kelly update: some december

Clarkson apologizes, via Yahoo News:

I really regret how this has turned out and I apologize to those whom I have done disservice.

Shorter Kelly Clarkson:

Sorry my album sucked.

beyonce bounces. do you?

Really... I mean... this happens to me at least once a day:

We saw that she was pumping her hair around and really into (it) with her trench coat and high heels and as she proceeded to come down the stairs, she tripped on her coat and it seems like she fell on her collarbone and face, sliding down about 12 stairs....

...then she got up (bloody mind you) and kept dancing to finish the concert!

The show must go on, and a star can take it and give it back.

WORK!

don't eat the chili sauce (it's spoiled!)

McClatchy hot dogs here:

Millions of cans of chili sauce, corned beef hash and beef stew produced by a Georgia food company are being recalled in the largest botulism scare involving commercially canned goods in more than 30 years.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration on Monday directed stores and consumers nationwide to immediately discard more than 80 brands of canned meat made at Castleberry's Food Company's Augusta, Ga., plant because they could be contaminated with the deadly bacteria.

blonde bombs (sell)

Poor Lindsay can't get a break....



Poor Britney can't get it together...


Poor Faith doesn't look 16 anymore.

blame china

For all that hockey hullabaloo and that BITCH Anne Murray, too!

Because you can never blame enough people for Anne Murray, I spread the wealth to Earth's most populous nation, China. I am sure they had something to do with it.

As for the severe shortage of chuckle inducingness usually found on deniable plausibility, please blame China.

California smog? If you're the Wall Street Journal, blame China.

This is fun, easy, and the kids in Kansas can play along!

Blame China.

hometeam hottie

Reliable Source:

When Chris Cooley showed up at Redskins offseason practice last week wearing snug, hipbone-skimming shorts, it was a sartorial scandal. " Richard Simmons called, he wants his shorts back," snarked one blogger, while others guffawed over "tight end" jokes.

Scandal? Snark? Guffaws?

Drool!!

touris interruptus

Clive Jive, 1 -- Kelly Fans, 0

Clarkson Cancels Her Summer Tour

..."There's been so much buzz about what the label said, Kelly's been on the defensive, then she fires her manager and the tour is canceled. The whole project is tainted," says Billboard's Caulfield. "Then again, she's Kelly Clarkson and she has a lot of faithful fans. The album could come out and do gangbusters."

Clarkson broke the news on her website yesterday afternoon, where she posted a statement saying that "it really is disappointing for me to have to tell you that I won't be coming out to tour this summer. The fact is that touring is just too much too soon. But I promise you that we're going to get back out there as soon as is humanly possible to give you a show that will be even better."...

xmas in july (in june)

Pick up all that shit.

'gay bomb' story not about clay aiken

Hard hitting news from CBS:

Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb'
A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting.

Oh yeah, baby! Make love not war...make hot sweaty love to the soldier to your left! Now thats unit cohesion.

actor not real adam, creation museum learns

The very sexy, Eric Linden, hired to play Adam in the Creation Museum's biblical clips turns out not to be the actual "Adam" and indeed may be with sin after all. OMG.

From the Gate:

The man who plays Adam in a video aired at a Bible-based creationist museum has led a different life outside the Garden of Eden, flaunting his sexual exploits online and modeling for a clothing line that promotes free love.

After learning about his activities Thursday, the Creation Museum in Kentucky pulled the 40-second video in which he appears.

40 seconds of naked heaven I am guessing. I want it!