Heath Ledger: not funny, very sad.
Mad TV's "Hollywood Squares: The Stars of UPN": very funny.
Hollywood Squares: Stars of UPN! (#908)
Tom Bergeron as Himself
Daniele Gaither as Eve
Jordan Peele as Klingon
Stephnie Weir as Allison King
Ike Barinholtz as Tim Bagley
ANNOUNCER: Tonight on "The Hollywood Squares," a very special show featuring all the stars of the UPN Network! From her hit sitcom "Eve," Eve! and from "Star Trek Enterprise," a Klingon! And here's your host...Toooooom Bergeron!
TOM: Thank you, thank you very much, and hell-o UPN stars!
EVE, KLINGON: Hi Tom!
TOM: Let's meet Miss Circle, she is a forklift operator who's hobbies include the Bible and the films of Jenna Jameson. Let's say hello to Allison King, hi Allison.
ALLISON: Hi, very excited to be here, but I gotta confess, I don't get UPN where I live.
TOM: Where do you live?
ALLISON: New York City!
TOM: [with an "ouch" expression on his face] Oooh. Our Mister X is a female impersonator who collects mammy figurines and lawn jockey, say hello to Tim Bagley, hey Tim.
TIM: Hi Tom, can I say hi to my family?
TOM: No. Why don't we show the folks at home the secret square.
[alarm sounds and camera zooms in on the empty lower middle square]
TOM: Alrighty, now let's play the game. Tim, you won the coin toss backstage, but Allison, you flashed a little nipple, so you go first.
ALLISON: Alright, Eve!
TOM: Alright! Here we go, Eve! Triple A just voted this the most deserted place on Earth. What is it?
EVE: Kirstie Alley's vagina.
KLINGON: Hahahaha!
EVE: No, seriously, the answer is Eureka, Nevada.
ALLISON: I disagree.
TOM: Oh, I'm sorry, that was true, so X gets the square. Alright Tim Bagley, you pick a square.
TIM: Ummmm, bottom right.
TOM: Oh [with a look of uncertainty on his face]. Klingon? You mind doubling up?
KLINGON: I can't. This costume weighs a hundred pounds.
EVE: [rolling her eyes] Hell, I'll go.
TOM: Oh, thanks Eve.
[music begins to play as Eve makes her way to the bottom right square from the top right square]
EVE: [to herself] What da f**k? If UPN ain't got no stars, they shouldn't done this f**kin' show. Can't believe they couldn't get, Mo'Nique too busy to do this? LisaRaye, where da hell she at?
TOM: Eve, everyday over 8,000 visitors go inside this monument. What is it.
EVE: Pfft. Mariah Carey's vagina.
KLINGON: Hahahaha, I love it when you say "vagina"! Twice, and it's still funny!
EVE: Seriously, the Alamo.
TIM: I'll agree.
TOM: That is right, X gets the square. Alright Allison, your turn to pick a star.
ALLISON: Umm, upper left please.
TOM: Oh [same uncertain expression as before]. Eve? You feel like a little, uh, jog upstairs?
EVE: [getting pissed off] I just ran all that mess and now I gotta go back, what da hell kinda? [getting up to ascend the stairs] What kinda bullsh** is this, this like a fire escape in Philly or somethin'. All I'm tryna do is walk...
TOM: Alright Eve, a little pep in the step, show's only a half hour.
EVE: I am in Jimmy Choo boots, muthaf**ka!! [reaching the top floor] Tryna tell me what to do...
TOM: A study at Duke University showed that--
ALLISON: I'm sorry, I, I meant the, the middle right square for the block.
EVE: What da f**k? I gotta go down? This is absolute nonsense...
TOM [begins speaking while Eve is still complaining]: While you head over there, a study at Duke University showed that--
EVE: [Eve loses her bearing on the top floor and slips, falling to the ground] Whoa, waaah-ahhhh!!
TOM: [shocked, but trying to maintain composure] Well...that about does it for the stars of UPN...but, but don't forget, join me tomorrow on Hollywood Squares for "Stars who banged Paris Hilton"! We'll be adding an extra square for that one. Good night everybody!
[Tom, Allison and Tim go over to see if Eve is OK, where Allison begins to cry. Tom comforts her by hugging her, and then begins touching her ass.]
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