crazy hotness: update

As is often the case with crazy gay republicans, the ones who get hurt the most (if you don't count the ones they shoot, stab, burn up or beat the shit out of in Georgetown restrooms) are the women who love them and never noticed they had a butt fucking inclination.

Jason Drake, pictured above, was once married to a woman who didn't know (or notice) that he was a gay homosexual. And she has a blog (I guess they let just anyone have one of those these days) coincidentally titled CrazyGirlCity.

While reading the articles, I also found quite a few that were speculating that it was a “love triangle” or a “lover’s quarrel” going on. More shock. So there is a chance that my ex-husband might be gay? OK, that is nothing I’d really freak out about, but it’s shocking to say the least.

Yes, that is shocking. To say the least. Such as.

Well, now she's pissed and hurt at all the hurtful things said by mean bloggers about her crazy ex-husband who, ya know, shot a bunch of guys in Florida he was trying to squeeze for defense cash for his kiddie porn boyfriend in Norfolk who's charged with stabbing and burning up a rival kiddie porn dude in NW Pennsylvania...a crime, Drake was prob hired for...and prob committed.

I truly can not believe how insensitive some people can be. Yes, according to the police, it was in fact determined that Jason was the shooter. It was a horrible thing that happened. However, Jason was not always a bad person.

See look...he's not a bad person...he lets little girls rub his hot, prickly, homo head... Mm hmmm, for the children.

And she's mad at me, I think, if I read between the lines right, cuz I had Jurassic Park up way loud last night.

Killer. Subwoofer. Action.

Sorry neighbor.

28 days...again...and again...

Poor little rich girl, Lindsay Lohan is at it again...rehab that is. But she still can't seem to distinguish between walking a fine line and snorting one...

The Sun:

LINDSAY LOHAN has allegedly been caught taking drugs in rehab.

Reports in the US say the troubled star was marched into the director's office at the Cirque Lodge clinic in Utah and warned if she slips up again she will be thrown out.

The 21-year-old was suspected of having breached the clinic's strict no drugs rule and reportedly failed a drugs test.

Our sister paper the News Of The World also told how the troubled starlet was busted for having sex with a fellow inmate in the facility's toilets.

Failing a drug-test in rehab? Pretty priceless, though it does cast major doubt on the seriousness of your get-well program to friends, family and uh...the courts...not to mention totally makes the other inmates patients insanely jealous and pissed you didn't share your stash.

Oh and hooking up in the restroom? She doesn't miss a trend does she? And totally fucking made that guy's stint in Utah worth it.

And one more... Matching your digicam to your bikini...hot!

So. Fucking. Hot.

Such. As.

thinking outside the treasure box

Yeah...so an article on CNN.com (content provided by Mental Floss) actually uses "Treasure Box" referring to a female pirate of the 19th century who happens to be the "most successful pirate of all time", whatever that means...

Thinking outside the treasure box
Although clearly ahead of her time, Cheng I Sao was shrewd enough to realize that the pirate masses weren't likely as enlightened. So, her first act as leader was to make her husband's second-in-command, Chang Pao, official captain of the fleet.

While Chang Pao led the men into battle, Cheng I Sao focused her attention on business, military strategy, and the enormous task of governing a growing body of ruffians. In the years following her husband's death, she steadily brought more and more outlaws under the banner of her Red Flag Fleet.

Girl pirates, regardless of the size (or skill) of their "treasure box" don't make good pirate movies....ask Johnny Depp.

she can haz mapz after all

Deadspin(ning):

... But now it seems some real good has come of all this. A new web site has launched, Mapsforus.org, dedicated to bringing our children the maps they so desperately need.

Such as.

sen craig's excellent misunderstanding

chachi burnin up the tube again...sorta

If your old enough to know better, but still too young to care, you probably had a crush on little Scotty Baio on Happy Days in the 70s/80s...or older, wiser, babysitter Scott Baio on repeats of Charles in Charge in the 90s. (Or maybe your roommates in college all watched Charles in Charge for teenaged hottie, Nicole Eggert and you just sat and enjoyed a little Chachi Time? Mm hmm...I'm just sayin.)

Well, in any case, such as, he's back, and on the teevee again....for the children.

Scott Baio will be back on VH1 with another season of "Scott Baio Is 45 ... and Single" and a new set of issues -- this time, over impending fatherhood.

It's no Joanie Loves Chachi in Shakespearian terms, but its on the teevee, so it must be good, right?

Update 2:39pm: Question for the "masses" (read, "3 readers")... When do we as a society deem "the tube" no longer "the tube", such as, few tubes actually use tubes these days, for the children?

all republicans are gay, such as, for the children

We have to at least consider it a real possibility that all Republicans are gay and crazy (except for Kay Bailey Hutchison, who's just crazy...I hope...ew)

From Wonkette, crazy hotness:

GOP Consultant 'Love Triangle' Deaths Remain Totally Insane
The mind-bendingly weird suburban Florida deaths of two GOP consultants and an ex-marine continue getting weirder. The Orange County sheriff announced yesterday that Jason Drake — the ex-marine — killed the consultants before offing himself, though they gave no explanation for his actions and Drake left no helpful note. more »

wide stance, such as, for the children

It's been a big news week and the catch phrase lexicon is growing fast in the blogowhirl. Try to keep up.

The Miss Teen USA train wreck and gay homo senators are giving us trendoids lots to work with...be sure to throw in a few of these this weekend at cocktail parties and happy hours to impress your tragically uninformed friends.

wide stance
such as
for the children
Minnesota
the iraq
Kay Bailey Hutchison

Update 1:20pm: Nevermind. All of the above are already dried up pasty yoostabee relevants. It was fun while it lasted.

teh irak lik evrywhr such azz

jasoroling
When your that hot its totally ok to be stupid.

david beckham the new standard for EVERYTHING, world bodies declares

In a move to streamline and simplify EVERYTHING, the United Nations, World Bank, NATO, UNICEF and a bunch of commies somewhere, have declared David Beckham to be the new global standard for everything. From the obvious: the study of human beauty and marketing; to the not so obvious: meteorology and quantum physics. A few holdout scientists, initially skeptical, are said to be warming to the idea, making quick passage of the Becks Doctrine certain.

Thank God. This just makes understanding our universe that much easier. I mean, who in the world would not understand government budgets when translated into Becks (B). As in, the new bridge is gonna be, like, so much less than Becks' Malibu weekender. Yeah? Make it happen!

Or, the latest Hubble Telescope images of that nebula with the pretty colors... oh? total 6 on the Becks scale of hot. Really? WOW! That good huh? UGH! Got a tissue?

Image by Ralph Ueltzhoeffer.

beckham displaces cheetah as running standard

David Beckham has found himself in an enviable position: the new speed standard for running. Soon, the endorsements will start pouring in and he can finally get out of that hole his wife and greedy little boys have dug him into.

Headline from CNN:

Study: T-rex could outrun David Beckham

Frankly, I am more interested in a study of the T-rex's shopping habits as compared to Posh...er, Victoooooriaaaah Beckham. Surely the skinny little excuse for forelimbs of the terrible lizard could never keep up on Rodeo...

...and I was referring to the T-Rex.